Jessica's Recovery: Month 4
Squats made me cry.
Let me explain.
The process of pregnancy and postpartum is hard on me. I think it's hard on everyone...pregnancy is no joke. One of the most difficult parts of it, is not feeling like my body is mine. For 9 months you watch your body make some incredible changes. Your belly swells, your boobs suddenly look like melons. Then to top it all off when your baby comes out then suddenly you feel so much better and think that your body should look like what it was when you first got pregnant.
Shocker, it doesn’t.
Everything feels like you have to relearn it. Your body which you have lived in and have known all your life is suddenly so foreign and you feel like a walking jellyfish.
This second pregnancy was a little easier on me because I knew that the foreign jellyfish feeling was coming. I also gave myself grace to be ok with not being ok. Going through all the changes a pregnant woman goes through in a short 9 months and then you have to keep another human alive outside of your body is just plain stinking hard. We are only human.
Yet I hoped this process would be a little easier because I had experience of how hard this process is and I had a plan. I knew Sarah’s programs would be able to walk me through everything I needed to know postpartum. I hoped that connections would be easier and that I wouldn’t be peeing myself every second.
It was hard, and I had ups and downs all the time but when I finally got to Momfit right around 3 months postpartum I had a glimpse that my body was going to be ok, and that it would feel like mine again.
This is when squats made me cry.
It was Momfit 1B. Which has squats and deadlifts. I used to hate squats. Starting with Sarah and watching her instructions on how to do them made me lose all confidence in what to do and good grief, how was I supposed to feel my glutes in a squat? And what the heck, how was I supposed to have core control???
So to be honest, I avoided them. Granted, Sarah doesn’t program a ton of them in Momfit. She has you doing single leg ones instead.
But eventually, they became my favorite moves. Right as I got pregnant, I got into squatting with barbells and kettlebells and during pregnancy they became one of “go to” moves.
So here I was, 3 months postpartum, and finally picking up that kettlebell again. Was my body going to work?
I had no idea.
I set the squat up. Hip hinged to get the kettle bell safely up to my chest. Set up for my descent by engaging my core (yes, I had learned this by now), made sure I had a tripod foot, with my arch engaged.
It felt as smooth as butter.
My body just automatically went into the correct form, glutes lengthened on the way down and fired on the way up. I felt for just a minute like my body was mine again.
Of course, I caught all those tears on video, which is so precious to me. Over the next month, I was able to get my butt to the gym and get in more focused time to invest in myself away from my children, which is so important I have found for my mental health. Plus, it is so awesome to have mirrors, and my body slowly started to change and become mine more rapidly.
I am still nowhere near where I want to be, but I am still showing up for myself every day, trusting the healing process. The time I spent lifting weight and keeping my muscles remembering the strength they have is paying off, as my strength is quickly coming back and I am moving through the levels of Momfit.